Parent's Who Maybe Oughta Not

Parents who shouldn’t be
by Jeff-1/15/2008

Welcome again everybody, and thank you for reading this issue of the Soapbox. Today’s soapbox brought to you by Cheer. Hot, warm and cold, for the way you wash now, All-Tempa-Cheer. (some of you are too young to get that – sorry for dating myself)

Today’s rant comes from the “not everyone oughta be a parent” file.

What the heck is wrong with parents these days?

DISCLAIMER – I realize that my being a parent for less than six-months does not give me much right to comment on the parenting skills of others. But – I am not complaining about parents who make honest (or even silly / foolish) mistakes (“You know, perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to leave Johnny alone with the dog and a full bottle of hand lotion. OOPS!!”).

Nor am I talking about people who’ve had a baby, but just don’t know what to do with them – they try mightily, but just don’t get it. They deserve our prayers and assistance, not our ridicule or scorn.

I am here today to talk about parents, whose acts of selfishness and total lack of compassion or guardianship towards their children border on (or are outright) criminal behavior.

It’s funny. When I was young, I remember my folks (especially my dad – another who is well versed in the art of ranting) commenting that the state had no business sending a social worker in to take a “snapshot” of a family’s life and then take kids away from their parents based on that single viewing. While that may have been true 30 years ago, open your newspaper today and you will find story after story that will tell you that SOMEONE must take action, and do so now.

To help get YOUR dander up, I present you the following examples or headlines:

• A woman in Minneapolis BRANDED her 14 year old daughter, and hired her out as a prostitute for area men.



• St. Paul, MN -- A St. Paul man accused of prostituting his teen daughter in exchange for drugs was charged. Thirty-seven-year-old Cha Vang appeared in a Ramsey County Court around the first of June 2007. According to the criminal complaint, Vang's 14-year-old daughter told police her father forced her to engage in sex acts in exchange for drugs and that the first incident happened when she was 12. Vang faces a maximum sentence of 20-years in prison if convicted.



• An Austin (MN) woman sends her 14 year old daughter out to be a prostitute.


Apparently 14 is bad age for girls. Here’s a tip, girls - just skip over age 14. Go right from 13 to 15.

Want more?

Just since the beginning of 2008:

• A St. Paul (MN) mother has been charged with two counts of child neglect. According to a criminal report, Alexis Kennedy (24) would lock her two children (ages 5 & 2) in their bedroom, using a bungee cord. According to the daughter, she and her brother would yell out the window that they were hungry.
  
  The situation was discovered when Kennedy’s 5 year old daughter crawled out of her bedroom window and was found wandering in a parking lot with no shoes or coat (IN JANUARY!)
  
  Kennedy admitted to locking the kids in their room, but in her defense, she denied that they ever yelled out the window. Well, if they never yelled, then what’s the big deal?
  
  Read the whole story: http://wcco.com/crime/kids.locked.bedroom.2.626604.html


And lastly – or at least for now:


• In Bayou La Batre, Alabama – Lam Loung (37) has admitted to throwing his four children (ages 4 month to 3 years) off of the 80 foot-high Dauphin Island bridge, a three mile bridge that spans the Intracoastal Waterway.
  
  Authorities believe that Loung threw the kids from the bridge after an argument with his wife. “Here, honey, this’ll show you!” Do me a favor, next time, leave the kids in the car and throw YOURSELF from the bridge!
  
  See the story: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,321585,00.html

While these are but a few examples, if you dig in your newspaper, or watch the news, you can find more and more cases of crimes committed by the children’s parents. This does not included the number of crimes committed by neighbors, uncles, friends, scout-masters, clergy, and others who should be watching out for kids rather than harming them.

Kids are at enough risk just heading out the door to school, that they shouldn’t have to worry about broken arms and cigarette burns from mom and dad.

Perhaps I am so outraged on this topic because children (even though they may not always seem like it) are a gift from God. While someone would never dream of throwing a “birthday Rolex” in the trash, that is what is being done with the greatest of gifts.

Most of you reading this know that my wife and I adopted. I can tell you, first-hand, that the level of screening you have to go through is incredible. You go through pages and pages of questions that are discussed during hours and hours of interviews.

I understand the reason for screening, and I am not saying that the process should be omitted or even reduced.. The social workers want to be sure that the children are going to people who will truly be good and loving parents. However, what is the screening process for someone that does not go through an adoption agency, but rather has their own biological children? There are no required classes or screening programs to be sure that they will be loving parents. Yet these are the people, by and large, who are throwing their kids from bridges, drowning them in bathtubs or strapping them into their car-seat and then rolling the car off of the pier.

What can be done about the situation? Quite frankly, as I am not a child care professional, I have no idea. Having teachers, doctors and the like report suspected abuses always gets people’s dander up – so apparently that’s not a good idea. You hear things like, “they ought to mind their own business!” The problem, though, is that we have been minding our own business for far too long.

Thirty years ago, minding your own business was an okay thing. But then again, thirty years ago, everyone had a front porch and we all knew our neighbors and what was going on in the neighborhood. Thirty years ago, kids could leave the house at 8:00 a.m., not return until supper time, and never have a fear of being in any danger. Thirty years ago, kids wouldn’t dare act up because the news would reach their parents before the kids could get home.

Maybe back then “minding your own business” actually meant “pay attention to what is happening on our street – know who’s a trouble maker – keep an eye on my kids and I’ll keep an eye on yours – and if Phil is smacking his kids, step in.” Back then – those things were our business as neighbors. Now, no one wants to be labeled as nosey or as a busy-body. We ridicule those who know everything that is happening up and down the block, rather than become more informed ourselves. When we should be more involved we become more isolated.

Perhaps a start would be to have everyone buy a front porch and then actually meet our neighbors. Perhaps a “driveway grill-out” where you all meet in someone’s driveway for burgers and dogs, would be a good plan. Ice Cream is always good, how about an ice cream social? Once you actually met your neighbors, you could discern which one, or ones, is/are loony. Then you, along with your equally engaged neighbors, could perform some sort of intervention.

Well, that’s all I got today. Thanks for reading. Meet your neighbors – make them a pie or something.

Have a great day.
Jeff